" Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst" - Marjorie Pay Hinckley
Once a year, every coach’s patience and understanding is put the test. The time when interactions are vast and fast, with politeness seemingly thrown out the window. When people whose names you barely remember ask the most intrusive questions… Lunar New Year.
I bet you can’t guess the question I get the most often.
From my own experience and clients’ lamentations, I know that the Lunar New Year (LNY) period often brings up complex emotions. Whilst celebratory, these annual family gatherings can be particularly challenging when faced with the well-meaning Aunty asking you yet again about your career choices, relationships and life decisions. They can even trigger your defence mechanisms!
The Universal Challenge of Family Gatherings
Even if you’re successful at work or happy with your situationship, these reunions often put us in spots where we must explain our life choices to distant family members who might have different values or expectations. The pressure to justify our paths, especially to people whom we’ve avoided for a year, can be particularly intense.
What’s fascinating is how different Enneagram types typically handle these situations. Let’s explore these patterns to help you navigate your upcoming gatherings with greater awareness and grace.
Here's what likely happens and how to survive during these family gatherings, based on your Enneagram type:
Type 1s: You feel compelled to demonstrate how your choices align with high standards. You might prepare detailed explanations about how your career decisions are right, sometimes becoming defensive when relatives suggest alternative paths.
LNY Survival Tip: Reframe feedback as curiosity, not criticism. Prepare a short, light-hearted narrative that highlights your growth and intentional choices.
Type 2s: You typically deflect personal questions by turning the conversation towards others. You’re excellent at asking about your relatives’ lives but might struggle when the spotlight turns to your own achievements.
LNY Survival Tip: Practice accepting praise and attention. Prepare three personal achievements you’re proud of and share them confidently when asked so that people can share in your joy!
Type 3s: You already know which accomplishments are most significant to share, but might feel frustrated if relatives don’t understand your entrepreneurial ventures or innovative career choices.
LNY Survival Tip: Focus on sharing the journey rather than just the achievements. Connect your story to values your family can relate to.
Type 4s: You often struggle with relatives who don’t understand your unique career path or lifestyle choices. You might feel misunderstood when explaining your ventures, sometimes withdrawing from conversations altogether.
LNY Survival Tip: Bridge the gap by finding common emotional ground. Share how your choices fulfil values your family can understand, like security or helping others.
Type 5s: This is likely your least favourite time of the year. You typically prepare factual responses to anticipated questions but might become overwhelmed by too much social interaction.
LNY Survival Tip: LNY gatherings are a fascinating occasion to observe people. Plan strategic breaks to be with someone familiar or set a time for when you need to leave to recharge.
Type 6s: You might oscillate between defending your choices and seeking validation from family members. You might find yourself preparing for worst-case scenarios in these gatherings.
LNY Survival Tip: List evidence of your successes beforehand to boost confidence. Remember that curiosity from relatives usually comes from interest, not doubt.
Type 7s: You usually handle questions with humour and charm, sharing exciting plans and possibilities. However, you might struggle when relatives press for details about stability and long-term planning.
LNY Survival Tip: Before gatherings, outline concrete steps in your plans. This helps you address concerns while maintaining your enthusiasm.
Type 8s: You respond directly and firmly to probing questions, sometimes coming across as too forceful. Deep down, you’re probably laughing that Aunty Busybody seems put off by your response.
LNY Survival Tip: Practice softening your approach while maintaining boundaries. Use these gatherings to practice picking up emotional cues and building connections with one or two people.
Type 9s: You often downplay your achievements to avoid conflict or attention. You might need support in speaking up about your accomplishments and standing firm when relatives push against your choices.
LNY Survival Tip: Before gatherings, write down your achievements and practice sharing them. Remember that owning your success doesn’t create conflict and that family members are looking for good news, especially during this festive period!
Moving Forward with Awareness
My husband and I come to each others’ rescue when we hear questions that will trigger us!
Understanding your Enneagram type’s typical responses to family gatherings can help you prepare more effectively. Consider these strategies:
- Recognise your default reactions
- Prepare responses that feel true to yourself, yet appropriate
- Ask yourself: What could the other person be curious about and want to learn about me?
- Take deep slow breaths during challenging moments
Remember, growth often comes from these challenging interactions. As your coach, I encourage you to view these gatherings as opportunities for personal development, rather than obligations to overcome.
Family Gatherings: Your Playground to Practice
How we do one thing is how we do everything. The way we respond to a challenging distant relative is likely how we are reacting to a challenging colleague or someone we meet a lot more often.
If you’re struggling with certain people or seeking support in your professional development journey, I specialise in helping entrepreneurs and professionals navigate challenges through understanding yourself better and making conscious choices.
Wherever you’re at in life, I’m rooting for you!
PS: If you haven’t already, I encourage you to use this Reflections 2024 & Progression 2025 Guide to give you clarity and direction in this new Year of the Snake
If you’re interested in exploring how your Enneagram type influences your growth journey, or if you’d like support in navigating challenging transitions, professional coaching can provide valuable guidance. Together, we can work on deeper reflections and coming up with an action plan.
To take your first step, choose from 3 coaching options here. Email me at positiveleepeilin@gmail.com or whatsapp +65 8288 5457 to book for more information.
